Watching your child struggle in a toxic relationship is a uniquely devastating experience. It doesn’t just affect the couple involved—it ripples outward, leaving family and friends to witness the heartbreak, manipulation, and isolation, often feeling powerless to intervene. As a parent, the pain of seeing your child controlled, devalued, and drained can be unbearable. This is my story, and while it’s deeply personal, I hope it helps others recognize the warning signs of a narcissistic relationship and find a way to help their loved ones escape.
The Beginning of the Nightmare
My son met Lisa while he was in prison. She seemed supportive at first—writing to him, visiting regularly, and eventually moving closer to him. Within a year, she convinced him to marry her. From the start, her motives were clear to everyone but him: she sought control. She alienated him from his family and used every means to dominate his life, starting with legal and financial manipulation.
When Lisa gained Power of Attorney, she drained his 401(k), racked up $30,000 in credit card debt, and even bought herself a luxury car in his name—all while he was still incarcerated. By the time he was released, he faced a mountain of debt and a relationship built on lies and control.
Isolation and Abuse
Lisa’s control didn’t stop at finances. She monitored his every move, sabotaged his career, and manipulated every aspect of his life. She accused him of infidelity, even when he was working or talking to clients. She berated him, calling him worthless and reminding him of his past mistakes.
As a parent, it was agonizing to see him emotionally and physically drained. He worked long hours to support her lifestyle, only to come home to a chaotic house, her untrained dogs, and relentless criticism. She used their children as pawns to keep him tethered, knowing his deep love for them would make it harder for him to leave.
When He Tried to Leave
When my son finally recognized the toxic dynamic and tried to leave, Lisa weaponized the system against him. She made false accusations of abuse, manipulated the police, and even injured herself to frame him. As an ex-convict, he knew the odds were stacked against him, and she used that to keep him in line.
I watched helplessly as the system failed him time and again. Even when her lies were exposed, there were no consequences for her actions. The legal system didn’t protect him, and every time he tried to escape, she found a way to pull him back in.
Despite the system failing him, she knew the one thing she could control was his boys. His boys, so full of life and deeply connected to family, became her leverage. Each time he tried to leave, she would isolate him from them. She denied him visits and even phone calls, using every opportunity to tell him he was a terrible father and that his sons deserved better. Her words tore him down, but she didn’t realize the damage she was doing to the boys as well.
Even at just 4 and 3 years old, they felt the weight of her emotional manipulation. Children, often more perceptive than we give them credit for, see and hear more than we realize. The boys begged not to stay with her, knowing her focus wouldn’t be on them but on her relentless attempts to hurt their dad. She spent hours online stalking him, his friends, his family—anyone willing to listen to her disparage him and his loved ones.
Her obsession blinded her to their needs, and the boys felt it. They longed for their dad, who always returned to them, broken but determined, to give them the love and care they deserved.
The Impact on Our Family
Lisa’s control extended beyond my son. She systematically cut him off from his family, ensuring we couldn’t support him. Visits were canceled, calls went unanswered, and any attempt to reconnect was met with hostility. When we did manage to spend time with him, she hovered, ensuring he couldn’t speak to us privately.
The emotional toll on our family was immense. We felt helpless and heartbroken, watching someone we loved being systematically destroyed. My son was a shadow of his former self—exhausted, broken, and trapped in a nightmare he couldn’t escape.
Lessons Learned and How to Help
If you see someone you love in a similar situation, here are some hard-learned lessons:
- Recognize the Signs: Narcissists often isolate their partners, control finances, and manipulate situations to maintain power. If your loved one seems cut off, overwhelmed, or trapped, pay attention.
- Stay Connected: Even if the abuser tries to isolate them, find ways to stay in their life. Send messages of love and support, and let them know you’re there when they’re ready to leave.
- Don’t Alienate: It’s tempting to lash out at the abuser, but doing so may push your loved one further into their arms. Instead, focus on validating their feelings and offering a safe space.
- Seek Professional Help: Encourage your loved one to talk to a counselor, therapist, or advocate trained in domestic abuse. They can provide resources and strategies for safely leaving.
- Be Patient: Leaving a toxic relationship is rarely straightforward. It often takes several attempts before someone is ready and able to walk away for good. Be patient and consistent in your support.
- Educate Yourself: Learn about narcissistic abuse and the tactics abusers use. Understanding the dynamics can help you provide better support.
Hope for the Future
My son’s story is ongoing, but I hold onto hope. With every setback, I remind him—and myself—that he deserves a life filled with respect, love, and peace. This is why we are so grateful he has found Linsey. Lisa had broken him and made him feel like he did not deserve happiness. I believe God put Linsey in his life to save him. She is warm, kind-hearted, and loves every part of him. They don’t fight; they discuss. They don’t scream; they talk. There is no more isolation, there are family dinners and game nights. There is no more hurt, only love.
However, there is no way to know what the future holds, because his finding love has only fueled Lisa’s rage. She attacked him and Linsey in a public restaurant, lied to Child Protective Services (CPS), lied to the police, and withheld their boys from being able to see and talk to their dad—even on his oldest son’s birthday. The worst part is that the emotional toll didn’t stop with my son; it’s falling onto my grandkids. They beg to see their dad, their grandma, and their aunts and uncles, but Lisa will not allow it. Instead, she sends them to daycare for 10 hours a day or hires a sitter instead of allowing the family to spend time with them.
Fortunately, there is a court date coming up. I pray the court takes her assault charge seriously, that he sees the proof in the stalking she has done and the pain she has put their boys through. I pray that they give the boys an equal chance to spend time with us because we have a lot of love to show them, and using them as pawns should not be an option.
Stay Strong, Stay Supportive, and Never Lose Hope
If you or someone you know is trapped in a toxic relationship, please seek help. Reach out to a trusted friend, family member, or professional counselor. There are resources and people ready to help you navigate this difficult journey toward healing and freedom.