Going to San Antonio is not uncommon for me. I started with G.L. Hunt almost four years ago. I was not hired to go to San Antonio, but somehow my job evolved in that direction. I was ok with it though for several reasons. I loved getting away for a bit where I could stay in a hotel that I didn’t have to clean, eat at restaurants instead of having to cook, and honestly just catching a few moments all to myself. I mean, it wasn’t a spa day or anything, but just those moments where no one is calling your name, you can just sit back, relax, and do absolutely nothing!
However, something happened to me last year in February that has made it quite difficult for me to return to San Antonio. So this time was only my third time back since the incident. I went from going to San Antonio monthly to making up excuses why I couldn’t go. I realized that not going was causing a huge decline in not only the office moral, but also sales. I knew that I needed to figure out how to put my big girl panties back on and get back out there.
It was a normal visit to San Antonio last February. Typically Hayden and I don’t go together. By dividing and conquering it allows us to visit the San Antonio team more often. However, this time was different. We had multiple events happening at one time. So we both went, as well as, we brought one of our office staff from Fort Worth to help out. For privacy reasons I will call her Amy.
One of the most important things I believe we do when we come to San Antonio is taking our team out. There is no better way to build a bond…a team…a second family than bringing people together in laughter and letting them know they are appreciated. Every time we visit San Antonio we take the team out to nice restaurants, to play games, or to have a few drinks. So this night was no different. We were all hanging out at one of our hotels laughing and having fun together. We decided to go out and get a bite to eat and stop to check out a few places on the river walk. We stopped into a place and Amy and her husband went to the bar to get a round of drinks. I had decided I was done drinking. I knew I had to get up early the next morning to drive back to Fort Worth. So when they came back and handed me my drink I turned around and handed it to my boss. At the time I didn’t think much about this, but looking back I should have found it odd that they only bought me a drink. A little time had passed as we were laughing and talking when Amy and her husband pulled me aside. She said, “We need to get you back to your hotel.” I said, “I know, I’ll head that way in a bit.” Then her husband interjected and said, “Unless you are going to F*** the sh** out of these guys you need to leave now and go back to your hotel.” I was shocked. It caught me so off guard that he would not only talk to me like this, but that this thought would even cross his mind. So it took me a minute to respond. I finally said, “I don’t think you understand my relationship with these guys. They are like my brothers. I’ve worked with them for 3 years, and we have never even flirted!” He replied, “I know guys, and the way they are looking at you they are going to try to get you to sleep with them tonight.” I began to get angry and replied, “You don’t even know us so how can you make that statement? We are all just friends…nothing more…and we are all married…so end of subject.” Amy then replied, “Well we will at least walk you back to your hotel to make sure you are safe.” Every one started walking outside and I saw the others jump in an Uber and head off. My hotel was across the street so I just started walking back. They both walked with me even though I said multiple times “I’m good. You guys don’t need to go with me.” We got to the hotel and I said, “Thanks for walking with me, I’ll see ya’ll later.” Amy’s husband replied, “No we want to make sure you get to your room ok.” Hmmmm, in that moment my gut feeling was telling me something wasn’t right. Typically, I trust my gut feeling. I’ve always been a strong women, and I have no problem letting people know exactly what I think. But this time…this time was different. For some reason I just couldn’t imagine anything bad happening. I assumed my gut feeling was the fact that I was just so offended by their accusations.
We get to my hotel room and I open the door, turn around, and said “Goodnight guys.” I turned back around to walk towards the bathroom and I realize the door didn’t shut. They are now in the room. Why? I couldn’t understand why they would be in my room. Did they not just hear me tell them goodbye? I was trying to be polite, but at the same time I guess I needed to be a little more stern. I said, “Guys, I’m tired. I’m going to bed, but thanks again for walking me back.” My hotel room had a living area, a dressing area, and a bedroom in the back. Before I could say anything else to them he started pushing me back towards my bedroom. I said, “What are you doing?” I started trying to push him off me, but he was stronger than I was. Then he pushed me down onto the bed. I looked over and saw Amy pacing back and forth around the bed. Then he climbed on top of me holding my chest and arms down and begins undoing my pants. I started screaming, and moving my body as forcefully as possible to get him off of me with no prevail. What is happening? I could not wrap my head around what was happening to me or why. Amy then says, “Just let him do it Wendy, it will be a lot easier.” Easier? Easier for who? Was he going to kill me tonight? This can’t be happening. Why was no one coming to help me? I’m screaming as loud as I can. I’m fighting him, but he is winning. Oh God please help me!
Before I knew it my pants and panties were off. He flipped his body around now holding my legs down with his body and ripping my shirt off. I’m still screaming and fighting him and pleading for him to stop…pleading for Amy to help me. It felt like this went on for hours. I know it didn’t but as fast as it was happening it also felt like time had stopped.
Amy walk out of the room, and he gets up and follows her. I quickly grab the covers and cover myself. I was sobbing. Was it over? Was he going to leave or was he going to kill me now? I felt so weak…so helpless. I can hear them talking and yet there is no where for me to run. Only a few minutes pass when he walks back into the room. He lifts my covers off of me, stares at my naked body, and then gently lays the covers back down and begins tucking me in like I am a child. He walks out of the room and a few moments later I hear the door shut.
This was the day I learned I am not invincible.
For the first time in my life I felt weak. I am the Regional Manager of a multi-million dollar company. How can they trust me to lead them when I am so weak? How can I manage them when I didn’t have enough common sense to know something was wrong and to stop it? How could I have let this happen to me? I stayed up all night crying, and trying to make sense of what happened. I knew I couldn’t call the police. I was her boss. It would be my word against hers, and who would believe that they forced their way into my hotel room? How could I prove they came in uninvited? After all, we had been out eating and drinking and hanging out. I couldn’t call my husband. How could I tell him this happened to me? He would never look at me the same. Would he think I was weak? Would he not want to touch me now that another man had violated me causing me to brake the sanctity of our marriage. I couldn’t call my friends, my coworkers, or my family. I could not tell anyone. No one needed to know how weak I was.
The next morning I packed my stuff and got ready to head home. I was ready to go home, but not strong enough to hide this secret. I couldn’t find the strength to fight back the tears. Then my phone rings. It’s my boss. “Hey have you left yet?” I replied, “No, I’m packing up now, why?” He said, somehow last night I lost my wallet. I can’t remember much from last night, but without my wallet I can’t get on the plane. Can I ride back with you?” NOOOOO I wanted to scream. I can’t see anyone right now. I needed to be alone. I needed time to think, time to find the strength to bury what happened so no one would ever know. However, I replied reluctantly, “Of course. I’ll meet you in the lobby.”
We get things loaded up and are headed back to Fort Worth and he says, “Are you ok?” I replied, “Yes.” He said, “Well I need to apologize for last night.” Apologize? Why would he need to apologize? Surely he doesn’t know what happened to me. How could he? I wasn’t thinking too clearly at this point and I replied, “You have no reason to apologize you couldn’t have known that was going to happen.” Crap! Why did I just say that? He replied, “Wait, what happened last night? I was apologizing because we jumped in the Uber and didn’t tell ya’ll bye or make sure you got back to the hotel ok.” Then word vomit happened…I just started telling him the whole story and when I finished I wished more than anything in the world I could take it all back and put it back in my mouth. Why did I tell my boss how weak I was? He was never going to trust me to help run this company. If he keeps me I’m sure it will be out of pity. Will he try to handle me with kid gloves now? Oh God, please don’t! I just want to be normal again. I want this to all go away. Where would we go from here?
Monday comes around and I had managed to keep it from my family all weekend. I pretty much kept to myself and stayed in bed most of the time. I thought I was hiding it, but later found my husband and family knew something was wrong but didn’t know how to ask me about it. I walk in to work Monday and realized Amy was there! Crap! I felt so weak and scared like a child. I just wanted to run and hide. I quickly went to my office, shut the door, and began working. I went to work every day for 4 days and faced her as if nothing happened. I would like to say that was the hardest thing I ever did, but it wasn’t. The hardest was when her husband showed up to the office. Before this trip he had never come to the office. Now, he had not only showed up twice he had her ask me if there was any openings for him to come to work for me. Was she joking or was this her sick way or torturing me? I finally broke. I went to my boss and told him I could not work with her any longer. We made a plan in which I can not disclose, but within a few days she was no longer with us.
I found out a few days later after doing a background check on her husband that he had been convicted of assault two times before. I still couldn’t call the police. I couldn’t risk this turning around on me and anything happening to G.L. Hunt in the process. I love the company I work for, and I would never do anything to bring problems to it. I really just wanted it all to go away. Over the next few weeks and months I ended up having to talk about what happened to me with my kids, mom, and husband. There were different things that came up that prevented me from hiding it from them. I thought I would get past it and get stronger, but I realized I wasn’t. My moods were erratic, I found myself crying at times for no reason, and I made excuses of why I couldn’t go to San Antonio. I wasn’t OK. I realized that I not only was struggling with being a victim which also equaled being weak in my book, but I was told by people that because he didn’t actually penetrate me with his penis then it really wasn’t that bad. I was so angry when I heard that. Being held down, having your clothes ripped off, having another man touch your body when you didn’t want him to was not only the most humiliating experience, but I felt so violated. How could they tell me it wasn’t that bad?
The other day I talked with my cousin Brittany. Finally after all this time I shared with her what happened to me last February. She listened, and when I was done talking she told me I have to keep talking about it. I have to get that negative out of me. Whether I talk to her or a professional it was time to talk about it so I could let it go and get passed it. She was right. So writing this blog was hard. I am a strong woman, and sharing a story about my weakest moment is very difficult. I am learning, though, that I was not weak. I fought hard, and I survived that night to live on and do great things. I am here to share my story and let others know that surviving an attack like that does not make you weak. If you survived it’s because you are a fighter…you are strong. That night they took something from me, but I will not let that define me. I will not be a victim of my circumstances. I will talk about it, and each day I will get stronger.
