Are You Oblivious?

Do you live life so fast that you don’t even see what is going on around you? I do. Each day I get into my car to head to work never looking around at any of my neighbors homes. As I’m driving to work I’m listening to music and it’s like I’m on autopilot…I never look at what is happening around me during my drive. When I go to the grocery store I run in only focusing on what I need to get…not who is around me. I am oblivious to my surroundings, because life is so busy I’m always rushing.

That is where kids can teach us a few things. Kids notice the butterfly that just landed on the flower. They notice the dog across the street that is always watching when we come home. They see peoples emotions, and want to always help them or laugh with them. Although kids have an abundance of energy always running around and playing, they still take time to see everything that is happening in the world.

This year my daughter came to me about a girl in her school named Jordan. She knew something was wrong, but wasn’t sure what it was. She wasn’t close to Jordan, she just saw her in class and in the halls each day at school. When she came to me about it she told me she hadn’t spoken to Jordan much, but something was telling her there was something wrong. I told her that if she felt like something wasn’t right then it probably wasn’t. My advice to her was to get to know Jordan, and see if maybe she can help her.

A couple of weeks passed and Jordan finally confided in Laney that her father was abusing her physically and mentally. Laney came to me and said, “Mom, would you allow Jordan to move in with us?” While I wasn’t opposed to helping her I needed to make sure we went through the proper channels. So I told Laney I would contact the school tomorrow. In the meantime, she needed to talk to Jordan about going to the counselor and telling her story. Then the next day came and Jordan wasn’t at school. Laney started freaking out. She tried all day to reach Jordan, but was unable to. I could hear the fear in Laney’s voice. I knew she wasn’t going to give up trying to help her so I told her to go to the counselor and tell them something was wrong. Unfortunately, the counselor said there was nothing they could do unless Jordan comes to them. We asked if they could give us her address so we could call the police or CPS, but the law wouldn’t allow them to. I truly had no idea what to do or if I should do anything at all. I was at a loss, and I knew Laney was feeling helpless as well.

That night Laney finally reached her via email. Jordan wouldn’t say much to Laney, but told her that she wanted to sneak out and move in with us. She asked Laney to come and get her at midnight. Laney knew by her responses that Jordan was upset and something had happened. As a mom I was scared. I wasn’t just scared for Jordan, but I was scared for Laney. Up until a few weeks ago I didn’t know this girl. I hear horror stories about girls getting lured into terrible situations because they fall for stories like this. Then at the same time what if it was true? What if this girl was being abused and I sat back and did nothing about it. I knew one thing was for sure…I was not going to send my daughter to pick her up alone. I knew Laney was adamant about wanting to help her so I made the decision to go with her when the time came. Laney and I stayed up talking trying to pass the time. I told her that if Jordan was hurt we would take her to the police, and if not we would take her home and figure out what to do next.

That night we waited and waited but we never heard anything from her. We had no idea if we should call the police or just go to bed. Laney was overwhelmed with fear that something had happened to her. The next morning couldn’t come fast enough. Laney got up and got ready for school and prayed she would see her friend there. Her prayers were answered when she saw Jordan until she saw she was in pain. Jordan told Laney that her dad wouldn’t let her go to school because he left marks this time when he beat her. He also knew she wanted to sneak out so he stayed with her all night to make sure she wouldn’t. When the morning came she waited for her dad to leave and then she walked to school. She was hurt so badly she could hardly sit down. Laney went to the bathroom and called me crying. She wanted to help her, but didn’t know how. I told her to talk to Jordan and try to convince her to go to the counselor. I called the school and left a message and I also emailed them. Finally mid-day Laney went with her to the counselor where she showed her the marks and told her the story. The counselor called the campus police and an investigation was started.

Over the course of that month I felt like I was on an emotional roller coaster. The law says that at 17 she is considered an adult. So if she runs away they will not come look for her. However, CPS (the state) says that 17 is still considered a minor so if she runs away they will get her and either put her in foster care or place her with a family. Unfortunately, I didn’t know enough about the law to know what to do. All I knew is that if our own law can’t agree then how in the world was I going to know what to do!

Laney went to all the meetings with her at the school. It was decided to place her with her grandma in Cleburne. I found out that her grandfather had committed suicide in the same home they were sending her to when he was caught molesting her older sister. Are you kidding me? You are sending this child to the home where her sister was not only molested, but her grandfather committed suicide? What is wrong with CPS?

We kept in contact with Jordan’s grandma and Jordan to make sure that everything was ok. Within a few days we found out the grandma was unable to get her granddaughter to school and get to work on time. So it was agreed she would stay with us during the week and with her grandma on the weekend. The first night she stayed with us we did not know what to expect. How should we treat her? What if we say something wrong? We were headed home when we got a call from the police. They stated Jordan was a run away. I said, “Huh? That can’t be right. We have been in contact with her grandma.” I told them the story and they acted as if Jordan was a criminal. They asked me not to say anything to her, to get home, and make sure she doesn’t leave. My husband and I got home as quick as we could and waited for the police. Then we get a call from them saying it was a mistake and that Jordan can stay with us for the night. Wow, this was a nightmare! I didn’t want Jordan to feel any more stress so we chose not to talk about this incident. Instead, we stood in the kitchen as a family and just talked, laughed, and made her feel welcome.

Over the next few weeks the nightmare didn’t end. Her mom un-enrolled her from the school, and told her she is going to be a drop out now unless she comes home. I spoke to the counselors and they enrolled her as a homeless student. Her parents wouldn’t give us any of her clothes so we had to buy her all the essential clothes as well as toothbrush, hairbrush, etc. Then we get a message from her mom that they have contacted the college where she has a scholarship from and told them to take it away because they can’t afford the additional money she would have to pay. Fortunately, we got in contact with the coach and told him the situation and requested he please keep her scholarship. I felt so bad for Jordan, and the stress of this emotional roller coaster was overwhelming for me and the family as well.

The day finally came where we were going to meet with her parents, CPS, and a mediator at the police station. I didn’t know what to expect, and I could see the fear in Jordan’s face. I tried to tell her everything would be ok, but little did I know her dad was a bigger bully than I thought. I am a pretty strong women and he tried his best to intimidate me. We walked into the room where there was a big long table, the room was cold, and the mood was even colder. Her mom, sister, and grandma sat on one side of the table with the CPS worker. On the other side was her dad, her brother, and three seats waiting for us to sit down. We chose to put Jordan between us so she felt sheltered and safer. The meeting started out feeling like an attack on Jordan. The CPS worker questioned her saying “If there was a problem why did you not contact someone?” and “Why did you try to run away?” and “Did you sneak out to meet a boy?” The questions insinuated she was the problem, and that she deserved the punishment she got. Jordan was crying, and I began getting angry. I said, “Wait a minute. She is still a child that has undergone abuse for quite some time. She was scared. Why are you blaming her for not getting help? It’s my understanding she called CPS on her own several months ago and it took them 2 weeks to get out to her home. By then the bruising had already started healing. You are CPS which stands for Child Protective Services and you are interrogating an abused child! This is insane.” The CPS worker replied, “We are just trying to understand what happened.” Then the dad interjected “She wasn’t abused and this whole thing is a joke.” He then looked at me and said, “You have been judging me since you walked in the door. You believed her story, and really she is a bad child that sneaks around with boys.” I said, “Sir, I don’t even know you. I’m not judging you. You just feel that way because you are guilty of something. I’m simply here to keep your daughter in a safe home until we can sort this out.” He said, “She had a safe home that she ran away from and if she doesn’t want to live there then you can have her and you can pay for her.” I think at that point the CPS officer was pretty shocked. So she said, “So you are giving her to the Vaughn’s?” He said, “Sure, I don’t want her.” Then she replied, “Do you want to keep in contact with the Vaughn’s about her well being?” He replied, “Nope.” At this point the CPS officer chose to escort Jordan and her siblings out of the room. I was so thankful because she really didn’t need to hear the terrible things her father was saying. That meeting felt like it went on for hours. It was awful. I left the room shaking, and wondered how horrible it must have been all these years for Jordan…

Jordan’s grandma walks out of the room and immediately goes over to hug Jordan. I could see she was hurting although she did not stand up for her grandchild one time in the hearing. Was she abused too? Jordan’s mom and dad walked out of the police station with my husband. I went over to get Jordan when her mom walked back in. The grandma said, “Don’t let those words be the last ones your child hears from you.” Then the mom went over and hugged and cried with her daughter. I could see the love now, but in that room it was so cold. Was the mom also abused? These are things I will never know. What I did know is that I had to make a good home for Jordan. I wanted her to know what love felt like.

We took Jordan to church…she had never been. She didn’t know what it meant to have a relationship with God. So we taught her about prayer. When Easter came we had a get together where she got to Easter egg hunt…she had never done that either. Jordan began laughing all the time, and smiling non stop. It took a month or so, but she even slept in her own room a few times. She began calling us mom and dad, and my kids became her brother and sister. Her favorite moments were eating together as a family on the patio. She had never done this either! We took her to the beach where she played like a kid in the sand. It felt good to open her world to so many things she had never experienced before, but it felt even better to see her so happy.

From January to present it has been a tough road adjusting financially and emotionally. However, it astonished me how many people came up to me and said, “I’m so happy she is finally in a good home.” “Her dad was so mean to her. I always saw bruises on her” One person even said, “After the game one night her dad was so mad he made her practice for 2 hours yelling at her the whole time.” Another person said, “He was banished by the coaches from the games because of how mean he was to Jordan screaming and cussing at her.” What? Did all these people know she was being abused and did nothing about it? People came and said, “I knew she wasn’t a happy child but I didn’t know anything was wrong. I’m so glad you guys found out and helped her.” It was crazy to me how many people knew this child was hurting. Were they oblivious like me just living their own lives as best as they could. Are we so consumed by our own lives that we can’t take the time to help others or even know when others need help? I’m not sure where you are in life and I’m sure not judging you, because my life is so hectic that I am oblivious most days. However, I challenge you to stop and look around at your surroundings. Know what is going on. If you see someone needs help or even feel like someone needs help…don’t second guess yourself. Reach out to them, call the police, go to someone and see how to help. It saddens me to think of how many people I have crossed paths with that needed help but I never saw it because I was too busy living my own life. What I can tell you is that helping her has fulfilled my heart, and the joy I feel when I see her smiling is overwhelming. I can’t live with being oblivious any longer. Can you?

Father’s Day Letter From Jordan to Davy 2019
Dad,
Father’s day has never really meant anything to me, until now. I used to sit in my room alone every night and pray to God that my dad would change his ways, but I learned later on down the road that he never would. So instead of praying for him to change I prayed to have him go somewhere else or not to be a part of my life anymore. Now, it might sound bad, but I simply just wanted to him move elsewhere. God took my prayer in a different way, and gave me something even better, and that was a new father. This time he gave me a dad who loves and cares about me, and still pushes me to do great things in life. Me and you might not have that special bond that you have with Laney and Dawson, but I’m lucky enough to even have a loving father as yourself. Thank you for accepting me into this family on such short notice, and welcoming me with open arms. I do hope to get closer as a father and daughter and that we share special moments. My whole life I thought about the next step I had to take in my life. I would love to have you at my college signing, my graduation, sending me to college, and most importantly, it’d be an honor to have you as my father to walk me down the aisle at my wedding. You have been there for me these past five months, and I couldn’t be more grateful to call you my dad. I love you dad and happy father’s day.
-Jordan